Taking Weekend Tennis Seriously

Every day when I go into work, there’s an intersection right before I pull into the parking garage that makes my heart flutter a little.  You see, it’s the sort of intersection that splits into three possibilities, none of the possibilities being straight ahead.  Perhaps you have never seen one of these roadway designs.  Don’t worry; you aren’t alone.  Neither have any of my fellow drivers.

Crude drawing to follow:

A confusing intersection…for those who try to not pay attention.

As you can see, there are four lanes.  Where the solid lines stop and the dotted lines begin is where the intersection lights are.  The black dotted lines go off somewhere to the left (lanes 1 and 2).  The brown dotted lines go off somewhere to the right (lanes 2, 3, and 4).  And the green dotted lines go somewhere even more to the right (lane 4).

To get to the parking garage, I need to be in lane 2.  I follow the brown dotted lines, and my parking garage is immediately on the left after the intersection lights.  Do you see how lane 2 could also veer off in a completely different direction to the left?  Do you see that?  Do you see where I’m heading with this?  I mean, not where I’m heading with this tennis-wise, of course (which I’ll get to, though.  Hang tight) because there’s no way any of this street metaphor seems to be going anywhere tennis-wise (but it is); I mean, do you see the problem I’m getting to concerning the streets and other drivers?

The problem is that my cohorts in lane 3 think they’re the ones that get to head to the left.  I don’t know why they think that.  It’s not for a lack of trying on the city’s part to educate the drivers.  Every day, I look at all the signs (there are hanging signs above each lane before the intersection lights with helpful arrow pictures; there are helpful arrow pictures on the ground of each lane before the intersection lights; and there are helpful dotted lines on the ground for each lane through the actual intersection) to reassure myself I’m not the crazy one here.  Every day, I do this.  And every day, the signs tell me, “Nope, you’re not crazy.  Lane 2, and only lane 2, gets to drive off in those two particular directions if so desired.”

Hold on; this really is going somewhere tennis-wise.

After a couple of months earlier this year in which drivers in lane 3 turned correctly to the right-ish, I begin to feel confident.  I stopped looking slantingly (whatever you’re thinking is racist.  The only people reading this know me so you’re being racist.  Stop being racist.  We’re going to lose in doubles because of your racist thoughts) at the driver in lane 3.  I stopped waiting after the lights had turned green for the lane 3 driver to make his/her clear directional decision.  Instead, I varoomed on my merry way to the right, not caring whether the lane 3 driver would vroom in front of me to the left.  I thought to myself, “Well, it’s been awhile.  Maybe the lane 3 drivers have learned!”

Then one morning in July as I innocently attempted to make my way into work, a lane 3 driver cuts me off angrily on his/her way to the left, honking all the while as if I was the silly one here.  Clearly, I was.

I no longer have hope in my lane 3 drivers.  I will always let them drive off first so that all of our mornings will be peaceful and drama-free.  Over five hundred words to set up this analogy:

Your partner in doubles is a lane 3 driver.  You never know what the F she is thinking or is going to do.  She doesn’t either.

When your partner is returning serve, do not – do not – let your guard down of the person at the net.  You might think, “Oh, my partner is a solid player.  She knows to return the ball in such a way that will be far enough away from that intimidating person right in front of her.  It’s the second or third set.  We’ve established the boundaries of our opponents’ abilities.  We know how well they can play the net.  Plus, there’s no way my partner would ever just hit the ball right at the net player!”

Yeah…no.

Don’t give anyone – especially me – that much credit.  You don’t know what’s going on in people’s crazy brains.  They either think ridiculous things, or they aren’t thinking at all.  It doesn’t matter.  Most of us are not actually good at this game (that’s why we keep playing it, you see).  We can’t control where the ball goes.  We hit.  We pray the ball goes in.  We suck.

I repeat: Don’t let your guard down of the person at the net when your partner is returning serve (or ever, really).  At some point, that person at the net will get a ball to poach easily because your doubles partner decided to tee one up to her for the heck of it.  For the heck of it.

And then when you can’t return the ball that’s been unexpectedly yet predictably smacked at you, your partner will look at you in disgust.  Clearly, you just weren’t ready.  Clearly, you’re not actually a good doubles player.  Clearly, you’re the one who sucks.  Yeah, you.

Crazy lane 3 partners.